Losing...

One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

(Elizabeth Bishop)

I was reminded of this poem when watching a DVD (not very intellectual but true!). Love it! Loss is hard...uncomfortable...obviously not just things or more importantly, people...but also illusions, ideals, plans and dreams. It's so confusing...disconcerting. I am reminded of the old Michael Card song "The Things We Leave Behind." I am finding that there is a certain freedom in loss...of stripping away the peripheral, the "shaft". We seek to fill up those empty places...with stuff...or self-righteousness...or clearly defined roles...easy answers...none of which truly reflect who we really are at our core beings. What I don't want to lose is that mystery...and the pursuit of discovering it.

Tagged...

On 2nd thought, I have decided to not be a party-pooper and will participate in this tagging thing....but I am not going to tag anyone else...that's my plan and I'm stickin to it! Will try to be quick here and not overly thoughtful. I think I'm unfortunately pretty random much of the time....but here are 7 more random facts about me!

1. 1)My middle name (Paulette) is after my Dad...Mom liked Rae for a middle name but they went with Paulette...good thing since I turned out to be the "only".
2. 2)I sometimes wish I had gotten a music minor so I knew better how to give lessons....and also wish that I could go camping "in the wild" more....
3. 3)I think it's hard to make really good new friends as an adult...takes alot of energy....this does not bode well for my future matrimonial chances!
4. 4)My silliest job was BBQing chicken (with a friend) for an older FL couples' party...we had no idea what we were doing and the party guests had to take over the job!
5. 5)A very funny memory I have is spending the night in the Pittsburgh airport while Jen, her Mom and I waited for Sonja's plane to arrive....we rode around on the little cars for amusement!
6. 6)In high-school, I was interviewed on local radio for having the highest GPA in Civics class...I think we were talking about some upcoming fair.
7. 7)I dislike when people are shallow...and when they pander. (but who made me the great judge anyway?)

OK...done...going to bed now. It's been BUSY here....my aunt and uncle from TX (the one who has cancer) were our short-noticed guests this weekend. It was such a blessing to have them here with us...and I'm learning to be more laid-back in hospitality planning...all about being together....not being perfect and too demanding of oneself. I did cook a pretty fabulous meal:)...and my aunt shared a new cake and recipe with me..."Knock You Naked Brownies"...isn't that the best title ever? Will have to share soon!

Additions...

If you are a faithful reader, you will see that I have vastly revamped this post..i guess I can give myself permission to do that:) My original addition is the next paragraph. I do not intend to start posting all sorts of political stuff...Lord help us all!!!...but wanted to add this one re: "the Jena 6" story here in my fair state. What an ugly story...how unfortunate that it had to happen here...NOT the kind of exposure LA needed (we're certainly no worse than anywhere else!)...and it should have been addressed at the very beginning instead of escalating to this point, where probably not much resolution will occur. Anyway...it's all complicated, and makes me sad. The interesting thing is that the story has been largely uncovered in this state...strange? Maybe a need not to heighten an already strained racial climate...i don't know...(And I may be a bit intense, but I did feel some need to at least briefly note what has occurred here.) I promise...no more politics for awhile.


I'm adding this link to a recent David Brooks article in addition to my comments re: insurance in the last post. Happy that it's now possible and free to get to his stuff....he addresses this topic much better than I ever could. (sure wish I knew how to do links....any advice?) OK...think I've done it right...thanks Karla and Jen:)

Nothing Really...

This post is really about nothing..really. I do have several deep thoughts swirling around in my mind...but for now here are some very insignificant facts about my life as I know it:

• *went to a "gumbo party" Sat. evening.....very neat...gumbos included seafood (of course), chicken, catfish, and duck. It was awesome...and a sweet family hosted it...it's a big deal...I sat across from the mayor:). Unfortunately, had a "bad rxn." to all that gumbo:(..and a dismal Sat. night. That will not stop my future gumbo partaking, let me assure you! Still managed to make it to 3 services Sunday!!
• *After seeing "Becoming Jane" I am having a little Austen film festival...had somehow managed to never see "Mansfield Park"...it's good...of course, but not my favorite. Reading the biography Becoming Jane that the movie was based on...apparently, there is some shred of truth in it...who knows. Have ordered Persuasion to read...loved seeing it, but hadn't read it. Lovely writing.
• *Only about 3 weeks until my friend Dorinda comes to visit....yah!! (Must clean the house!!!)
• *Only about 6 1/2 weeks until The Trip!! (Must do more research!)
• *In the interest of the trip, I have been on a mad pursuit of "the perfect shoes"....sturdy, but comfortable, but chic...this has been somewhat annoying...still workin on it!
• *We've received 2 unusual gifts lately...you never know what folks will give you: 1) A scanner from my friend Beth....will refrain from posting old, embarrassing pics.(for the most part!) 2) A LazBoy lift chair from my cousin's grandmother...we're having a difficult time working the buttons. It's bad when the "caregiver" is as confused as the "cared-for"! (Mom doesn't really need a lift chair, so not really using that function.)
• *In the interest of my health, have decided to start taking "Omega 3-Fish Oil". Thought you'd all want to know..hopefully it will have the magical effect suggested by all the hype.
• *Enjoying the new Buble CD which I broke down and bought...don't love it as much as past ones, but the songs I like...I REALLY like! (#1 "Always on My Mind")
• *And have been struck when hearing Tim McGraw's If You're Reading This ..the kind of song that makes you sit and listen...and maybe cry and think on the sadness. So many lives affected in this war.
• *In a completely, wildly different vein: Finding the reading in "The High Calling" magazine so rich and challenging. This is a free publication from The Asbury Society. It's not a large or "sleek" publication, but shares important truths. Sometimes when my poor mind is too tired to adequately tackle a whole book, I find this type of reading very beneficial...keeps me centered as a whole person. I am troubled by how easily ones' belief system can be shaped by whatever seemingly great (sometimes this means "conservative") group is writing at the moment...usually not Wesleyan thinkers. It seems there has been such a focus on outward stuff, that we've lost our true heritage...this applies on a host of issues...obviously, doctrine...but also on how we think about our "purpose" (has become such a cliched term), our roles in society, and as women. I tremble to even raise this topic, but actually we Wesleyans are far more "liberal" than what seems to be "popular" in many Christian circles....doctrine and practice...it all fits together...it all means something! (OK I'll stop while ahead.) Check out the link...there are some good resources. (and this was supposed to be a light post.)
• *Had a long talk last night last night w/a friend about the grave injustices/inequities occurring in our supposed health care system...it's a big mess...and I'm already tired of hearing political talk about it. Mostly all the people talking are independently wealthy and none of this affects them anyways. My fear is that this is all related to the devaluing of the weak...the needy...the invisible ones among us for whom we all bear responsibility. I would love to be an activist/lobbyist on these issues (heavens knows I know enough about them!!) but think I would just stay angry all the time. And even all that's bad here is no comparison to what happens in many other poverty stricken countries. I'm so aware of the grace needed in all these difficult struggles....and I don't want to hide my eyes.
• *"Just because you don't know the answer, doesn't mean it's not worth thinking about!" I am quoting myself here:...when trying to help Mom figure out exactly what triggered a near choking spell...so that we can keep that from happening in the same way...(this is a frequent issue)...if I must say so myself, this struck me as wise and oh so applicable to many topics!! I will leave you with that momentous thought.....hope ya'll are having a good week...thanks for listening to my ramblings!

Copycatting and Questioning...

1st: A disclaimer...I fully admit to shamelessly copycatting Kayla's last post.....couldn't resist:)

Most of you know Julia as a famed member of Vision...what you don't know is that she and I once dreamed of establishing another successful women's trio ministry...(the 3rd member will go unnamed but her initials are SJV) We thought how great it would be to travel the country in a camper...singing, playing, VBSing....generally being a blessing. (We thought we were VERY qualified for this endeavor!) Alas, this dream was not meant to come to fruition....(SJV deserted us for other ministry pursuits)...but for one exciting weekend we were the special singers at Julia's brother's church-revival. (and i kid you not, we did a rousing duet of He's Still God...really, I'm not kidding!!!) This pic. documents that happy but ill-fated musical pairing. (thanks to Rachel for wardrobe coordination!)

And (totally unrelated) here are some trivial questions on my mind:
*What in the world are we going to do with all of these blogs...has anybody considered that...will they just stay in this wide-blue-yonder of computer land or should we print them out or something at some point? These are serving as some "evidence" of our lives...how will we treat them? My small but inquiring mind wants to know!
*What are ya'll hearing/thinking about the whole Facebook phenomenon? I was frankly not too crazy about what I saw in the myspace world so haven't looked at it much....and think this blogging thing is about all I want or need to get mixed up in. Haven't even signed into Facebook, but hearing that it really is the rage. Do people actually write there, or is it more like myspace...alot of "commenting"?....are there advantages? Maybe I'm just old...or resistant to "new-fangled" ways...that is a distinct possibility. :)

*Have you started your Christmas shopping?...although we have committed to a very small budget this year, I have and it's so exciting!

*To those wondering about the new layout: The link to where I got it is at the very bottom. Easy to figure out...but be careful!...my Dad did some fancy programming so I wouldn't have to retype everything.

*And finally....seriously....after a stressful couple days of preparation, I'm very happy to report that Dad's procedure early this morning went well....100% good...we're thankful!

(OK....I'm done for the week!)

Monday Quotes...

I'm up earlier than I like to be this Monday morning. Sundays (while a day I like) can sometimes be quite tiring and hold some frustration. So I like to "recharge" on Mondays. But got up today to make a good breakfast for my Dad who has to hardly eat after this meal until Wed. morning when he has some testing done....not fun...and just another worry. Mom will be starting back to therapy tomorrow...a good thing...but looks like a busy week.
So I'm sharing some quotes I've gathered...I love quotes...jot them down when I read or hear them...on napkins or slips of paper...or print them out from stuff I find on the computer. Sometimes they actually make it into a little book, often they stay "organized" (ha!) in the"important papers" stack:). I love words...the inspiration & challenge they bring...can even make you think a little on a Monday morning! Anyway, here are a few of my current favorites...some brand new to me.

"Sentiment without Action is the ruin of the soul." (Edward Abbey)

"It is impossible for one to live without tears who considers things exactly as they are." (Gregory of Nyssa)
(in honor of the 9/11 anniversary)

"Sometimes Grace works like water wings when you feel you are sinking." (Ann Lamott's newest book grace(eventually))

"But all the wickedness in the world which man may do or think is no more to the mercy of God than a live coal dropped in the sea." (from Piers Plowman, William Langland...just discovered this quote when reading up on L'Engle's death...the source of the title of one of her latter books...awesome!!!)

"Before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen, for God speaks in the silence of the heart." (Mother Theresa)

"God knew what God was doing when God gave me a vision for living large -- loving all of my families including my nuclear family, my Christian family, and my human family. What may look like feminist shenanigans is really women living the full lives they were created to live." (Jenell Paris)

"It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy;-- it is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others." (Jane Austen... Sense and Sensibility.)

In response to a question about why people get married, the female character says: "Because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet. What does any one life really mean? In a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things. The bad things. The terrible things. The mundane things. All of it. All the time. Every day. You're saying your life will not go unnoticed, because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness." ("Shall We Dance" not a huge fan of this movie, but really like this quote...hopefully, being "noticed" doesn't only occur in marriage...and obviously, a GOOD thing that God sees the heart & values us all, regardless of marital status...but sometimes one can feel invisible without that social status...much less, the joy found in a truly committed, loving marriage. Enough soapboxing, I just like the quote!:)

'A Wrinkle in Time' author Madeleine L'Engle dies at 88
By Cara Rubinsky AP

Author Madeleine L'Engle, whose novel A Wrinkle in Time has captivated generations of schoolchildren and adults since the 1960s, has died, her publicist said Friday. She was 88. The Newbery Medal winner wrote more than 60 books, including fantasies, poetry and memoirs, often highlighting spiritual themes and her Christian faith.
For many years, she was the writer in residence and librarian at the Episcopal Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine in New York City. Although L'Engle was often labeled a children's author, she disliked that classification. In a 1993 Associated Press interview, she said she did not write down to children. "In my dreams, I never have an age," she said. "I never write for any age group in mind. When people do, they tend to be tolerant and condescending and they don't write as well as they can write. "When you underestimate your audience, you're cutting yourself off from your best work." A Wrinkle in Time- which L'Engle said was rejected repeatedly before it found a publisher in 1962 - won the American Library Association's 1963 Newbery Medal for best American children's book. Her A Ring of Endless Light was a Newbery Honor Book, or medal runner-up, in 1981. In 2004, President Bush awarded her a National Humanities Medal. Keith Call, special collections assistant at Wheaton College in Illinois, which has a collection of L'Engle's papers, said he considers her the female counterpart of science fiction author Ray Bradbury because people loved her personally as much as they loved her books. "She was tremendously important initially as a children's book author, and then as she wrote meditative Christian essays, that sort of expanded her audience," he said. "She spoke exactly the way she wrote, very elegant, no nonsense, crisp, and deeply spiritual." After Harry Potter mania swept the world of children's literature, "A Wrinkle in Time" was often cited as a precursor or, for frantic Potter fans, something to read while waiting for their hero's next installment. L'Engle told Newsweek in 2006 that she had read one Potter book and, "It's a nice story but there's nothing underneath it. I don't want to be bothered with stuff where there's nothing underneath."
L'Engle graduated from Smith College in 1941 and worked as an actress in New York City. There, she met her future husband, Hugh Franklin, an accomplished stage actor. In 1945, her first book, "The Small Rain," was published; she and Franklin married the following year. They moved to Connecticut in 1951 and for several years, the couple ran a general store to make ends meet. They had a son, and two daughters. The couple had adopted one daughter after her parents, who were friends of theirs, died. The family later moved back to New York; Franklin died of cancer in 1986. L'Engle recounts their years together in her 1988 book, "Two Part Invention." A New York Times reviewer said L'Engle "does not shrink from describing the difficult trials as well as the joys of her married life."


And here's a favorite quote of mine from this great lady:
"The one thing we know about God for certain is that God is Love. Where there is not love, even if there is righteousness, or justice, it is not God.......To be human is to be fallible, but it is also to be capable of love and to be able to retain that childlike openness which enables us to go bravely into the darkness and towards that life of love and truth which will set us free."
(taken from Glimpses of Grace....a devotional that compiled her writings.)

God Still Moves...

"God Still Moves...God Still Moves
In the Hearts of People God Still Moves
He Does Not Sleep...Nor Does He Slumber
God Still Moves...God Still Moves! "
(sung by The Chapmans)

Our Labor Day Sunday in Mineola, TX was a special one indeed! We were graced to be present to see my uncle return to his Nazarene roots...walk the aisle...and pray a prayer of confession to seal his peace with God. I can't think of anywhere else I would rather have been!

Most of you wouldn't know, but Uncle Jimmy has been the only sibling of my Dad's family who has not been a Christian. He has lived an honorable, giving, and successful life...but not one with serving Christ as a priority.

And now he is very ill with serious cancer. As a result, he has some confusion, but on Sunday when he stood and then made his way to the altar for prayer, his words were clear, eloquent and well thought out. We had a beautiful time of prayer....and I know that in heaven as well as in that humble church, there was great rejoicing over another redeemed soul!

I can't say enough about the pastor and his wife (the Kromers)...they have been true Shepherds to my aunt and uncle. It is not an accident that These Folks are in his life. I was so impressed with their clarity of doctrine, true concern for hearts, and sensitivity to the Spirit.

I knew that Uncle Jimmy wanted to sing "Pass Me Not" (he had sorta mentioned it when we were watching a video) so asked him when my cousin, Dad, and I got up to sing if he wanted to...he said "she talked me into it!!":) and he and Dad and I sang that. His singing is somewhat affected by his low lung capacity, but it went well. He shared that the song had been in his mind for awhile. Then we sang "Through It All"..so true that the grace of the Lord only asks that we live what we know...it's by living and learning that we trust Him more. What an amazing, wonderful miracle for us to see....it's been a real boost to my faith...I know I'll not forget that service!!!!


A few final observations:

• -new and "fancy" church methods are fine...but often nothing replaces prayer and fasting...and true relationship building in paving the way for a prodigal to return to God. This was so beautifully shown by my uncle's pastors.


• -my uncle seemed concerned that coming to God at this point in his life was a "cop-out" (his words). What an awesome reality that God is always waiting to receive us with open arms...there's no time limit to mercy!!


• -it was a privilege to be in such a God-blessed service. I think I've shared enough on this blog for ya'll to know that my "tastes" include the formal and even liturgical. But there is something to the almost Quaker-like quality of waiting on the Spirit and being willing to follow His leading. And (surprisingly!!)...God is not limited by our presuppositions of how things should "look" or be "ordered"....He is present in a variety of styles and ways of worship....mostly, I believe He honors humble hearts.


• -I hope this happening in the life of our family's faith story will serve as an encouragement to all of us for the many spiritual issues that surround us...I am so grateful that God is able and willing to meet our needs!!