As the "big milestone" approached, i had lots of things on my mind....really important things that i thought should be said on this blog....i tell you, one or two of the topics would warrant a book all on their own:)
but here i am....a week past the actual date...and i feel less of a need to say a lot....but maybe still a need to reflect a little on some of what's true about me at this point in my life...
* i'm so lucky/blessed to have very good parents. i believe pretty strongly in innate personality traits and talents...but i believe just as strongly in the power of good parenting. I'm thankful for parents who showed me so much love....who taught me how to live in a disciplined, ordered way (sometimes that habit is the only thing that keeps us together in chaotic times!), who valued intelligence and skill more than they valued fluff, who in simple ways helped me know that loving and serving Jesus is the only thing that really will matter and last in the end.
* i will never have really good hair nor be very skinny....and i'm too modest and practical to ever truly be "fashionable" ..i have reconciled myself to these facts:)
* i don't do overdone: overdone drama, overdone self-importance, overdone music, overdone allegiance to man-made organizations...and don't get me started on overdone eyelashes!!
* i'm happy to have already lived a pretty interesting life....full of troubles, for sure! but filled with Good things, too....seen lots of places, met lots of people, experienced so much....i love learning things....there's so much i don't know...so many takes on the world....so much i still want to see and do...
*i'm a mixed bag....an NPR listener, a Dennis Kinlaw reader. i don't like being boxed-in to labels....although sometimes i'm just as guilty as the next person of boxing others in!! i think people and world issues are complicated...and usually cannot be encapsulated in catchy sayings...i feel lucky for the few people i'm honest enough with to truly share opinions....i wish for a larger community of likeminded thinkers....i just hope i'm minded enough like Jesus to make it to Heaven!
* i've learned that i don't have to answer questions i don't want to...that i don't have to say all i know! it's taken awhile for my conscientious spirit to get this, but i'm getting there...
* i'm amazed at the lack of sensitivity & caring people can show....but i'm also amazed at the undeserved grace & kindness that common people can give....how we mere humans can rise to the occasion now and then....sharing a touch of God in small ways...
* at this point, i've given up on being "good enough"....i'm aware of my flaws and also aware of how much Redemption is worth....i have little tolerance for anything that smacks of performance....
i see my own need for honesty and know the trap of fakeness! "Being Authentic" might be a buzzword but it is for a reason.....the whole culture seems weary of the falseness and smallness often paraded as Christianity...."Lord help me to be Real in a world that so badly needs genuine love and respect."
* i know that not every situation has a happy ending. Hurts are hard ~ they change us. Our emotions don't always magically rise above our situations no matter how "spiritual" we are...it's dishonest to pretend they do! i know how fragility feels....
i'm not much for motivational sayings...but i'm very big on honestly & totally relying on faith even when we're broken. i want to be tender...i want to be open....even when life feels tough & even when it's an effort.
i want to use my own times of struggle to have open eyes for others who are struggling....to not demand so much...there's always more to the story than what's on the surface...
*i acknowledge that life has not turned out exactly how i thought it might....(although i never spent all that much time thinking ahead; just thought & worked hard and assumed...perhaps that was my fatal flaw!) despite some true losses....i'm thankful for the abundance of love and riches that are mine. i appreciate the friends who have helped me see these realities more clearly....i know with all my heart that we are all so valuable to God....and that when we care for and love each other well we please Him. and we find peace.
this is not some deep truth....but it is revolutionary. It helps me keep growing, keep giving, keep believing that this all has meaning....that Life is Good (even (especially)....at 40!
