Randomly noting 2 years...

Tomorrow marks my 2nd anniversary as a blogger:)...it just about slipped up on me...checked the date of my 1st post...and...bingo...saw that, indeed, tonight completes another year.

I've definitely been a blog-neglector lately! My friend Becca imagined her blog in "lonely" mode...but I imagine this blog as having very much enjoyed these sparse days..."whew...that crazy girl has quit spewing out her thoughts on me...so embarrassing when she does that!"

It's not that I've not been doing any thinking or pondering or the like...just that most of it has been rather too weighty to publish....too sad, too controversial, too exhausting.

And then there's the facebook diversion...fun, sweet, silly, ultimately...easier. I know I'm not a great writer simply by the fact that I seem to have no great need to do it....sometimes there's the urge, but I sense it's the connecting part I like best......and some things are just too tough to write about anyway.

But they've changed up fb a little today...not enough that it should matter to even pseudo-ocd types like me:)...but enough of a change to maybe drive me back into the arms of Blogger a little....

I'm not that good at fb anyway....(although I do love it)...i'm too wordy...not concise in any sense of the word, not witty...very random and too "big-picture" thinking to put clear thoughts into just a few words....

2009 has been BUSY thus far....and has held some really good moments....but has taken a deep plunge into quietness....(too many reasons why to explain here)....and then there's the dip into tiredness and some sadness after a glorious "girlfriends reunion" last weekend...(see Julia's blog for an awesome summing up of that...)

(Here we all are in Tn. , in case you haven't seen it on fb:)

So tonight...i'm layin low....trying to build up some stamina to face the next few months....with some sense of discipline and purpose. I just took a long bath and read "The Year of Living Biblically" (Jacobs) whilst in the tub...(see, I wouldn't say that on fb:) I recommend both (the long bath and the book:) And I'm slinking back into blogger world...is anyone out there still?....is there still room for verbose, unclear, emotive thinking aloud?....

I'll end with this wonderful prayer I saw on another blog...it's how I'm feeling....my need for more openness to uncertainty...more relying on grace as I honestly grapple with some things (that probably won't ever see the light of day here on blogger OR fb....)

• "May all your expectations be frustrated; may all your plans be thwarted; may all your desires be withered into nothingness....that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child; and sing and dance in the poverty of God; Who is the Father, Son and Spirit. Amen." Brennan Manning

"Jesus, King of angels, heaven's light,
Shine Your face upon this house tonight.
Let no evil come into my dreams;
Light of heaven, keep me in Your peace.

Remind me how You made dark spirits flee,
And spoke Your power to the raging sea.
And spoke Your mercy to a sinful man;
Remind me, Jesus, this is what I am.

The universe is vast beyond the stars,
But You are mindful when the sparrow falls,
And mindful of the anxious thoughts
That find me, surround me, and bind me . . . .

With all my heart I love You, Sovereign Lord.
Tomorrow, let me love You even more.
And rise to speak the goodness of Your name
Until I close my eyes and sleep again.

The universe is vast beyond the stars,
But You are mindful when the sparrow falls,
And mindful of the anxious thoughts
That find me, surround me, and bind me . . . .

Jesus, King of angels, heaven's light,
Hold my hand and keep me through this night."

(Fernando Ortego)

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"What happens to all my prayers — those that are not answered, and those that seem to make things worse...? Surely they are still sustaining me. Perhaps there will be unexpected answers to them, answers I may not even be aware of for years. I cannot believe they are wasted or lost. I do not know where they have gone, but I believe God holds them, hand outstretched to receive them like precious pearls."

(Madeleine L’Engle: Cries from the Heart)