there's a full moon rising.....

Some Days it’s all too much for me…

Days when I really seem to see the sadness and suffering that’s all around me….

Today I saw it 1^st in the grocery store….the young woman with her hired helper checking out (the groceries and the worker!)….then wheeling herself out of the store, the worker gone far ahead of her…struggling along in her very badly fitted wheelchair, feet swollen, “you’re going too fast”…..

Then we took Mom to her quarterly neurologist appointment…..and another young woman with her hired worker (this time very tuned in, kind, and professional) in her extremely state of the art wheelchair that had gotten itself stuck in the elevator!…..my sweet Dad and another lady worked to help them, and eventually  they were on their way….so unsettling….

And hot tears threatened to fall and and I realized again how very much my feelings are on the surface when I see these difficult life struggles, the personal toll that longterm illness has taken on my own “toughness”….how my understanding of how fragile we all are doesn’t necessarily have me seeing life in the most “balanced” way at all times…

I think of the thousands and thousands of people who battle physical disabilities and deformities and pain their entire lives….

We WANT to see the stories where health is restored, where the end of the chapter ends well, where the recovery is fantastic….but more times than not these individuals are not healed, their journeys are long and trying…..

I want to remember them all…. 

I know all of the right answers (and i reject all of the cliched ones!!) about a fallen world, the presence of evil and choice and all of that…..but sometimes I just WANT it all to be different now….

“The grace of God means something like: Here is your life. You might never have been, but you are because the party wouldn't have been complete without you. Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever separate us. It's for you I created the universe. I love you. There's only one catch. Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you'll reach out and take it. Maybe being able to reach out and take it is a gift too.”
(Frederick Buechner)

My Mom’s appointment went well….but it never gets easier to watch her get shots in her arm…..to know that they won’t really make her all better, just some better. And, yet, I know how very lucky we are to be able to provide her with quality care…..with a loving and calm (as possible) way of life…We're blessed that she's doing as well as she is after all of this time....i know these things are grace; and I also know the emotional cost, the discouragement and weariness faced….i see it all…..all of the terrible….

But Seeing the beautiful matters, too...

*the meal we were able to share where Mom picked the place!

*how Mom leaned over and gave Dad a kiss as we got back to the table...

*the new Starbucks at the mall…..because we really needed coffee at this point!

*not getting caught in the Baton Rouge traffic….

*getting home in time to exercise in the dusk….

*feeling and loving the cooler evening and even a bit of a breeze….

*amazed at the amount of energy I have at the end of this long day (maybe that was the coffee!)

*feeling so strong as I run, taking long breaths…..not taking for granted that I am healthy and full of living….

*the neighbor’s yard has just been mowed…..the smells of fresh grass and sweet olive bushes are strong in the air….

*the full moon is rising…..and it’s beautiful….so, of course,  I think it’s necessary to listen to “Harvest Moon” for the cool down song…

*my parents are watching “Andy Griffith"  and laughing when I come inside…..and later we’ll have fresh pineapple for a snack….

I’m remembering to reach out and take these gifts of grace……