Light...

"I cannot cause light;

the most I can do is try to put myself

in the path of its beam."

(Annie Dillard, Pilgrim At Tinker Creek)

"Pray for peace people everywhere

Listen to what I say
The child, the child
Sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light"

(Noël Regney)

"This Little Babe"

• This little Babe so few days old,
• is come to rifle Satan's fold;
• All hell doth at his presence quake,
• though he himself for cold do shake;
• For in this weak unarmed wise
• the gates of hell he will surprise.
• With tears he fights and wins the field,
• His naked breast stands for a shield;
• His battering shot are babish cries,
• His arrows looks of weeping eyes,
• His martial ensigns Cold and Need,
• and feeble Flesh his warrior's steed.
• His camp is pitched in a stall,
• His bulwark but a broken wall;
• The crib his trench, haystalks his stakes;
• of shepherds he his muster makes;
• And thus, as sure his foe to wound,
• the angels' trumps alarum sound.
• My soul, with Christ join thou in fight;
• stick to the tents that he hath pight.
• Within his crib is surest ward;
• this little Babe will be thy guard.
• If thou wilt foil thy foes with joy,
• then flit not from this heavenly Boy.

Yesterday, we sang this piece in my Christmas Choral Concert. (we did all of Benjamin Britten's "Ceremony of Carols".) It was very fun to sing and a choir favorite! (You can listen to it on youtube or something...it's sung by lots of choirs.) I've loved the text all semester as we've learned it. I found it so moving! It's just so gripping and powerful and convicting and beautifully pictures Christ's coming and conquering sin in our lives and in this world. (yes, that's a run-on sentence, and can you tell that i really, really liked it?!:) this morning when i googled around for the text, i came across so much info. about this work and the composers. Apparently, choral directors sometimes experience controversy when choosing this song. Not surprising, really, since there's no way around it's religiosity. It was interesting to read the many, many defenses of why this particular song and this entire work should still be used in a scholastic setting. Of course it should! Anyway, we sang it yesterday and (to my knowledge) there was no controversy. But i've wondered if the college kids i sing with were really getting what they were singing. Sure, they loved it...but were they understanding the truths about evil & justice and the foundational truths of Christianity. I hope they were impacted even if they didn't quite understand it.

Here's some history: "Benjamin Britten composed the Ceremony of Carols while returning to England from America on board a ship during World War II. The text for “This Little Babe" was written by Robert Southwell in the middle ages using Middle English, otherwise know as the English language in the time before writers like Shakespeare. The middle ages were times of great uncertainty and violence, to be sure, very much like the times we live in. Southwell was persecuted and eventually executed by (I believe) Queen Elizabeth I. The text uses allegory as a literary device to describe this babe's victory over Satan. The paradox of the text is that the Prince of Peace will use his human-ness (babish cries,shivering in the cold, etc.) to conquer the evil of sin and death. As a Christian, this is a profound concept, that something so weak and earthy can confront all evil. In the last verses, the listener is encouraged to seek safety within this frailty, and thus find eternal life."

Lessons in Loving...

~it's been a Sara Groves kind of year for me. I received her newest cd as a Christmas gift last year and then rediscovered the cd i already owned, then bought a couple more older cd's, then actually got to see her in concert. So...yes, it's been a Sara Groves kind of year. (and maybe there's a bit of the obsessive in me!:) I've been stretched and grown with her music. So, i was startled recently when i was reading in my Madeleine L'Engle devotional book by how very much one of her writings so perfectly matched one of my favorite Sara Groves songs. Both the devotional and the lyrics are gripping ~ transparent and without pretend. i don't think i need to fully explain why these words speak so loudly to me : but they do! And i think somewhere in the great big internet world they should be paired ~ so i'm doing it on this blog!

"Love Lessons" (Madeleine L'Engle)

~"I know that when i am at my most monstrous, I am most in need of love. When my temper flares out of bounds it is usually set off by something unimportant which is on top of a series of events over which i have no control, which have made me helpless, and thus caused me anguish and frustration. I am not lovable when i am enraged, although it is when i most need love. ~One of our children when he was 2 or 3 years old used to rush at me when he was naughty, and beat against me, and what he wanted by this monstrous behavior was an affirmation of love. And I would put my arms around him and hold him very tight until the dragon was gone and the loving small boy had returned. ~ So God does with me. I strike against Him in pain and fear and He holds me under the shadow of His wings. Sometimes He appears to me to be so unreasonable that i think I cannot live with him, but i know that I cannot live without Him. He is my lover, father, mother, sister, brother, friend, paramour, companion, my love, my all."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Loving A Person"

(by Sara Groves and Gordon Kennedy)

Loving a person just the way they are, it's no small thing

It takes some time to see things through

Sometimes things change, sometimes we're waiting

We need grace either way

Hold on to me

I'll hold on to you

Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying

It's a vulnerable place to be

Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces baby

Only one makes you free

Hold on to me

I'll hold on to you

Let's find out the beauty of seeing things through

If we go looking for offense

We're going to find it

If we go looking for real love

We're going to find it

~The Run-in with the Cricket~

-It was a chilly, beautiful night in South La.

-the girl was innocently on her way to Choir practice...anticipating a calm ride (well, a calm as possible ride with the girl herself at the wheel) across town to the University where the choir practice is held. (with a small stop to pick up a coffee on the way...the girl does so love her coffee and finds that it enhances her singing skills...granted, it doesn't take much to do that!:)

-as she entered her trusted carriage Maizy, the girl noticed a strange sensation on her foot...startled, she leapt out of Maizy...looking all around for some offending insect or other. Only a few crumbly leaves were to be found on the floor-mat. So, shrugging her shoulders, the girl (thinking her mind must be playing tricks on her) commenced upon her choir-bound journey...(let it be said, that from here on...the girl will trust her initial gut feelings of impending doom!)

-while half-way on her little trip, the girl happened to glance to her left at Maizy's door and glimpsed some sort of ALIVE object!! was it a lizard, a mouse, a roach, who could say in the darkness?!?! Semi-frantically, the girl rolled down her windows and opened the car-door. (In retrospect, she realizes what an unsafe move this was : but, secretly, she feels a strong, healthy sense of pride at her amazing ability to skillfully drive a vehicle and hold open a car-door; all while carefully observing the laws of travel and the driving actions/reactions of the other drivers around her...)

-breathing a hesitant sigh of relief, the girl hoped the unwelcome visitor had left her presence...THEN in her trusty, rear-view mirror...she spied some sort of flying object in the very back of the car...

-since she was in an inopportune place to pull over, the girl began gripping the stirring wheel and fervently praying...and considering the next plan of action...

-Ahhh....up ahead the girl saw the huge, glowing Race-Track sign...

-she wheeled Maizy into the pumping area and jumped out....

-a nice, upper middle-aged man was strolling back to his car after paying for his gas...

-"Please, could you do me a favor?! would you please get this thing out of my car?!" the girl asked the nice, upper middle-aged man.

-so (after assessing the situation) the nice, upper middle-aged man identified the offender as a cricket....and shooed it out of the car..."Now, you'd better close all your windows!" he said to the girl.

-so the girl thanked the nice, upper middle-aged man, got back into Maizy, closed all the windows, stopped to get herself a cup of coffee (now even more needed!), and continued on her journey to Choir. She arrived there safely. The End.

*this story is true...it occurred last night (11-9-10), and there was some small consideration of mentioning it on fb, which was not done. thanks to Dani's example, the decision was made to chronicle the terrible event in a blog post!:)*

"Listening"

My mind is filled with lots of thoughts this week...i am trying to get myself organized and started on some Holiday projects that must soon be completed. I feel myself slipping behind before i've even gotten started and i do not like that feeling!!

The holidays overwhelm me....they just do. So many things to love....but so much troubling stuff. I am so not a Scrooge...i realize these thoughts might come across as such! ...but i truly am not! i know my musings come from my own situation...if i had a more "picture-perfect" life, some things likely wouldn't even occur to me! but what's the point of us having different sorts of lives if we're not each learning something unique from our own individual stories?...

Here's my observation: at many levels, we have bought into the "Spectacle" of Christmas. i don't just mean the lights and decorations and commercialization of it all.....but also to aspirations of "perfectness". Perfectness: in our family dynamics, our full-time Christmas music listening, our home decor, our Food Network worthy meals, and in our perfectly glowing Christmas letters. We're creating....reveling....even making sacred...the fantasy of it all. Now let me be clear: i love every element that i just listed off (family, decor, music, food, and letters!!) but more and more, i see a focus on (even a glorification of!) these things...a focus on Self...and how these things define how very privileged we are. So many of us Are privileged...Are blessed...I am, no doubt about it! but still...i wonder: Is this how Christmas is supposed to be. Wasn't the 1st Christmas pretty messy....pretty unplanned...pretty imperfect in a perfect sort of way?! Advent highlights this phenomenom: the waiting, the wondering, the doubting, the beauty in the mysterious plan of God.

In my ponderings, i did a little googling and came upon this wonderful article: "Listening for the Whisper" (How to Break the Addiction to Spectacle.) by Mark Galli. Here's the link. (i have a book by Mark Galli and so appreciate his skill in writing and truth-telling. His article is not fully about the Christmas season but i think this quote really applies:

"Why does God come in the whisper, in the darkness, through a wayward Middle Eastern nation, in the vulnerability of a Bethlehem baby, and the lonely groan of a crucified rabbi? So that we will abandon all our preconceived notions of divinity, so that we will be left possessing nothing but our ignorance, so that we won't confuse God with cultural idols, so that we will be ready to meet the true God."

"Cultural Idols": that's one phrase that stands out to me. It's so, so easy to be buying in to the culture's ideals...it's system of power, personality, and pride...without even realizing it! OR it's so easy to create our own sub-culture of traditions that we equate with righteousness and which cocoon us from the larger culture. That may or may not have anything to do with how we celebrate the holidays, but it certainly has something to do with how we honor Jesus all year long.

I know these ideas are a bit far-fetched...be that as it may:)...it's what's on my mind as i gear up for how the Holidays work in my life. I'm already knee-deep in Holiday planning, preparation, and practicing!! And i hope to enjoy the true gifts of Christmas-time. But i am determined to Listen Better in this season. I want to hear His voice better in the daily-grind as well as in glorious, celebratory moments. I want to get it right...not because i can in any way make myself better....but because i want my life to better honor the one true God.

Italian Hot Fudge Sauce ~ & other 'important' things:

Ingredients:

2/3 cups whipping cream (i used half and half)
1/3 cup freshly brewed espresso (i just used strong coffee)
12 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
Directions:
Bring 2/3 cup of cream and espresso to a simmer in a heavy medium saucepan. Remove from the heat. Add the chocolate and stir until the chocolate melts and the sauce is smooth. (this is a Giada De Laurentiis recipe)

i made this sauce again this afternoon...it lived up to the success of the 1st time i made it...in other words, it was spectacular!! We needed a little spoiling....what a 2 weeks it has been!!...sickness & stress all over the place. I've been reminded yet again how very tenuous and fragile our lives are. And of how very, very much prayers of friends matter. And there are so, so many people who are needing prayer. I'm in a place where not all that much impresses me much...but prayer does, faithful friends do, and good hot fudge sauce definitely does:) (this fragmented post definitely does not!! but yet, i feel like sharing it:)

My brain is a bit fuddled by fudge sauce, coffee, cold medicine, and too little & very strange, dreamed-filled nights of sleep. I learned again that i can not take any medicine with the dreaded "D" in it's title....it makes me completely nutty. i read a whole book the night i dared sip a little Nyquil with that stuff in it....it was an interesting but predictable Christian love story set in Homestead, Iowa among the Amana people...who knew about them? like i said, interesting. But the book did not need to be read in one night!!

Holding onto sanity and even holding onto Faith can be difficult in trying times. In his Book Prayer, Philip Yancey describes two kinds of faith: 1) bold, child-like faith....that's the kind we love to hear about...it's sweet, trusting, and certainly contains characteristics to which we should all aspire. Then there's 2) fidelity...Yancey describes this as "a hang-on-by-the-fingernails-faith against all odds, no matter the cost." At this very moment, i believe that better describes where i'm living...

Faith and Grace: my foundations....in times filled with generous blessings; and in foggy times.

"We get by on Grace, just not the kind that makes us look good." (Jenell Williams Paris)

i've not been "feeling" all that spiritual lately...i know my faults all too well. But God has been using the beautiful and convicting and comforting words of the following Scriptures to speak right into my heart ~ He is so faithful:

"Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God."(Phil. 1:9-11 Msg.)

"Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing.Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise. Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice." (Psalm 51:7-15 Msg)

"He knows us inside and out, keeps in mind that we're made of mud." (Psalm 103:14 Msg.)

tonight i'm thinking about music...

about how it affects our lives and how it can matter more in different life seasons...

i've just had the incredible blessing of getting to see Sara Groves in person...all the way up in Green Bay, Wisconsin of all places! it was such a worthwhile event...such a beautiful, talent-filled night of non-flashy but so very rich music. And the night and weekend was made sweeter by getting to share it with my dear friend Jenny.

This year, especially, i believe Sara's music has sung truth into my life....has made me more open to living honestly in my own skin...and has made me want to at least try to stay open to a future of sweet possibilities. Her music has helped me trust God more....in a realistic way that doesn't demand all the answers.

Traveling itself and attending this concert where experience lived up to expectations have put me in a reflective mood ~ so here's some simple thoughts:

~ it's good to be with all types of Christians who share a love of music...drawn together from different places to a common ground of worship.

~ i know there are all sorts of things wrong with the world....but when i encounter others of likemind and likefaith it encourages me....things might not be as bad as some think....if we get out of our little boxes just a little, maybe we'll find there's plenty of good things happening around us...people love God....and are not as unthinking and uncaring as devisive voices might say. Good music enlightens us, i think...(whether that's Sara Groves, Mozart, Sondheim, Fanny Crosby, or Johnny Cash:)...opens ours eyes a little to the wonder in humanity...helps us focus on the good and the bad...but not always the negative.

~and just to clarify: "likemind and likefaith" doesn't mean that everyone seemed exactly the same... & that's a good thing....

~ i so appreciate Sara's focus on the little things... amidst the bigger truths...her recognition that it all matters. that's tough for me to explain unless you've listened to her music...but it's there. And i think that full focus is often missing from our lives...we so often get it all out of whack...often overly self-focused or super-spiritual.

~ as someone who "does music" so much but certainly knows my own limitations, i'm always astounded when i observe the writing and creativity of true artists...what a gift! i've spent so much time enjoying and perfecting music myself...and thankfully, it's currently serving as a little source of income...and sometimes i wish i had pursued even more musical training...but my eyes and mind and heart are always so impressed by those few individuals who possess true creativity and musical grace as well as musical skill.

~ i know a lot of musical thinking boils down to "taste"...preference. i try hard to not be judgmental and honestly, that's not very hard...i like a lot of things. But what i don't like is the shallow, the gaudy, the "cheap" sorts of music that tickle emotions....but say...N O T H I N G...or next to it. again, i know that's mostly a matter of opinion.....and that's why it's important to not knowingly insult the musical loves of another person. but i do have opinions:) The Sara Groves concert was so very, very refreshing in it's lack of pretentiousness and showiness.....and in it's abundance of genuine warmth and sincerity. I believe God was honored.

before the concert in downtown Green Bay...there was a statue so i had to take a pic:)

the concert....(not a great pic)...

Mostly i'm just rambling tonight...processing what was for me a truly fun and uplifting time....and also just writing out some thoughts about life that are floating through my mind. This is certainly not an exhaustive thesis on music! And i hope i do not seem overly starstruck or stalker-like!:)...that's not how i feel! i could write much more about the whole good weekend of observing the beautiful family life of Jenny & Tom and their precious children....and of the blessing of longtime friends who know me and love me anyway...but writing more about those things feels more private....

so i'll close with some words from another song from another writer that's been on my mind...

tonight it's my prayer....

"Make my life a prayer to you

I want to do what you want me to

No empty words and no white lies

No token prayers no compromise...

I want to shine the Light you gave

Through your Son you sent to save us

From ourselves and our despair

It comforts me to know you're really there"

(Keith Green)